Defeating Indian Stretchable Time

There are two immutable rules when it comes to us Indians. More immutable than the presence of gravity or absence of privacy here.

1# Indians can NEVER turn up anywhere punctually. (except when they are delivering bad news. Then they are Early). The odds of an Indian showing up at the allotted hour are the same as an elephant shitting dung encrusted with diamonds and almonds right now behind you. Did you turn ?….. Exactly.


2# They just absolutely hate parting with their money. Like Scots. (A Scotsman took a girl for a ride in a taxi. She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter)

I am late to all the engagements I enthusiastically commit to. I have the same sense of urgency to turn up on time as does a cow to move off the road when honked at.

Of course, that above is a harmless,almost lovable vice of mine.

The criminal offense is when people are late and I AM MADE TO WAIT FOR THEM.

DEATH TO THOSE INFIDELS!!

I suffered it recently and while waiting for the bastard, it hit me : IST can be beaten if the love of lateness is lined up against the Indian love of keeping wallet firmly in pocket [which is the only ‘rocket’ they have below the waist. Although every dude lies otherwise. Ask the ladies for more on THAT scam]

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to (((((drum roll)))))

PINT : Punishment for Indian National Trait

Now pay attention to how it works.

You are waiting for Indian friend at pub.
You guys agreed to 8 PM.
You confirmed it at 7:30 PM as you were heading to the pub from your office.
Now it is 8:25 PM
Your friend is still, as per his sms’ ‘….On his way, almost there’
He turns up at 8:40 PM

40 fu*king minutes late.

Now you guys start drinking, exercising the only skill  both of you picked up in college.
You order the same number of the same drinks.
At 11 PM you guys wind up.
The bill is RS.3000

At this sobering moment, PINT kicks in.

Since he was 40 minutes LATE, the first 40% of the bill has to be paid off by the guy who was late = the Indian(s) will FIRST pay off 1200 rupees. The Balance 1800 rupees of the bill (3000-1200=1800) will be then split as it should be in this case : half and half. 1800/2 = 900 rupees each.

Next day morning, sober and looking for the missing 1200 in his wallet, your Indian friend will be nursing minor bruise from hangover and major bruise from the PINT fine. He will promise never to pay again but as his gene is Indian, that has as much sanctity as you promising yourself this smoke is your last cigarette.

Now enjoy a lifelong PROFITABLE relationship with Indians.

Added Bonus : You are in new territory there as that phenomenon has never before been recorded i.e PROFITABLE relationship with an Indian.

You are welcome friend.

Punishment for Indian National Trait.

About time.

PS: as this post is blatantly racist against Indians and horribly judgmental, I need to clarify. I am an Indian and I am often judged as mental.

 

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